So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
