So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
