Yo dont text me then not text me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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