It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
