dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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