i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
