She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
