Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
