it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
