This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
