I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
