Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
