Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
