So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
