Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
