it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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