dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
