if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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