Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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