please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
