I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
