also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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