you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
