i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
