This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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