I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
