I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
