Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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