This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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