We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
