I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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