tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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