No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
