theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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