I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
