im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
