This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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