Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
