you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
