Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
