If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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