My hand turned me down
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
