I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
