I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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