I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Randomize
