She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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