Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
