trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
