i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
