he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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