We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
